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My Secret Life as a Prostitute
One day I woke up and decided my pathetic life hanging out at the mall and spending coutless hours working at the sunglass stand wasn’t fulfilling or exciting enough for me. I took a few words of advice from some friends and decided to take it to the streets. I knew I had potential and definitely couldn’t live on a part-time job paying minimum wage.
During the first day of my transition from modest little me into complete and total hoe, I knew I needed to do some major shopping. I invested my whole weeks paycheck into a new wardrobe from my newly found favorite store: Fredrick’s of Hollywood. After buying the store out of tight fitting black dresses and matching fishnets, I took a trip to CVS to stock up on tons of black eyeliner and blood red lipstick.
I changed out of my normal baggy jeans and t-shirt in the Strawbridge’s dressing room. As i put the final touches on my makeup i looked into the mirror, commented to myself on how incredibly hot I looked, and said to myself, “OK, i’m ready.”
Around 6 o’clock that night I made my way out to the front of the library, you know that nice little corner in front of the green box. I recieved many stares- well many dirty looks. A few friends tried to help with my new business by posting a large “FOR SALE” sign and handing out flyers. Then it hit me- I thought, “Hey these are mallrats, they don’t have money!”
After my reality check, I decided to take a trip on the Patco to good old Philly. I later learned that that was where all the money was. I cruised South Street for a while, then figured I’d better find a more stable place to execute my mission. That’s when I saw the light- yes that’s it, the bright lights of that fine establishment know to everyone as “Condom Kingdom.” I stood and waited, when finally i spotted my first customer.
He was a man a little taller than me, at first i almost mistook him for a woman because of the blue wig he was wearing. We walked to a motel room a feew blocks away. He offered $200 for my services, that sounded like a deal to me. As we walked into the cheap and sleazy motel lobby, which was well lit, I realized exactly who my customer was. He took the wig off, I saw eyes staring at me. This seemed extremely odd because he was standing with his back to my face. So who was this mystery man? As he turned around, i realized it was none other than Dark Angel himself. I bolted out of there as fast as I possibly could, with the $200 he’d already stupidly handed over. I once again returned to my spot in front of the wonderful Condom Kingdom. I contemplated why I even decided to go along with this whole scam. Was i joking myself? I mean Dark Angel, how could I stoop so low? But, no I couldn’t give up- I needed to give this a shot.
I was about to lose faith in myself again when another man came up to me. It was extremely dark by that time, so it wasn’t easy for me to distinguish his features. However I could tell he was extremely tall and was carrying an umbrella. This time I took my business to a small dark alley. The man claimed to have only $150 on him, so I agreed it was better than nothing. This on wasn’t as dumb as the last and said he’d pay after he got what he’d wanted. He placed his umbrella on the ground. He reached for my chest then screamed, “Hey these aren’t implants!” I replied, “I know, only the real thing baby.” He continued to proceed then asked, “Where is it?” I was extremely confused by this time so said, “What the hell are you talking about?!” He continued to rant about the fact that he needed to get some good deep dicking. I told him he came to the wrong person. Then he said something about reporting me to the cops because of false advertisement. Me, being confused out of my mind, asked once again, “What?” I got this whole speech on how real females shouldn’t be standing arount prostituting themselves when “everyone knows only transvestites do that.” I tried to apologize but he had a major temper tantrum. I picked up the umbrella and beat him over the head with it until he was unconcious. I was about to run, but I thought- hey i’m gonna get this mother fucker’s wallet. I took the wallet and ran back to the train station.
As I safely took a seat on the train, I remembered the wallet. I look to see if there was actually money in it. Hell yeah! I found another $500 in there……wait that asshole said he only had $150!!! Oh well, his loss. i proceeded to search for credit card, bank cards, etc. I found a picture I.D., the picture looked very familiar. I looked at the name, it said, “David Losse.” “Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!” I screamed with horror- it was Reno!!!! Well, I always knew he was gay.
On my ride back to the Ashland station I made a decision, whoreing my shit around wasn’t the job for me. I realized that I had made an excelent con-artist out of myself though.
I safely made it back to the mall, and yes miraculously still a virgin. I found the trash can I threw my old clothes in, changed into my normal jeans and t-shirt, and headedto the Teen Center. I walked in and nobody even commented on the smear of burgundy lipstick across my cheek or my smudged mascara. I was extrememly tired and worn out. Before I passed out ont he couch, i decided my next goal in life would be to become a proffessional theif.