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27year old Italian Model Vows to Have Oral Sex With 19 Million People
On November 2016, Paolo Saulino, a 27-year-old Italian model promised everyone who voted “No” in Italy’s Brexit-like referendum a fellatio. Now, we know nothing about Italian politics, but it seems like Saulino predicted the majority of the electorate would vote “Yes,” and then the opposite happened, and Saulino suddenly found herself on the hook for having oral sex with 19 million people.
Everyone expected Saulino to rescind her pledge, but instead the model has embraced it, bravely embarking on a multi-date Italian “Pompa Tour”—that’s “pump” in Italian—to give a head to as many strangers as she can. “I am a woman of my word,” Saulino said.
We’ll tell you how the tour has been going in just a second. But first, let’s crunch some numbers.
As we all know, 19 million people is almost an unfathomable amount of people. Let’s do some calculation. Let’s assume Saulino sleeps 6 hours a day, which is less than ideal, but she just doesn’t have the time. That means she has 18 hours a day to give as many blowjobs as she can. That’s 1,080 minutes every day, all reserved for oral sex.
Now let’s say she dedicates 3 minutes to each blowjob. That means Saulino can realistically service 360 people a day, or 2,520 a week, or 131,040 a year if she does nothing but give blowjobs and sleep every day. When you divide 19 million by 131,040, you get 144.993895.
If our math is correct, it will cost Saulino 145 years to give oral sex to everyone in Italy who voted “No.”
Saulino will not meet her goal unless she is a wizard who can split her soul across seven different Horcruxes to achieve immortality.